Where I Belong

This story is fictional, based on my experiences with my mp3 player.
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Ever since i can remember,my world has been like that.

I have music in my ears in my isolated cubicle, doing my own thing in darkness. Occupying myself by staring at the darkness, as if eternity were written there. Loud music ringing in my ears, repeatedly. Music is my life. Without the music, i cease to exist. Or so I've always known. I'm not sure about that, though.

You must be wondering who told me. Well I'm not that sure either. Perhaps the music pounds into me that. Maybe the blackness of my cubicles say so. But i think i have known that since i can remember. A primitive instinct, most probably.

Sometimes i wonder what is outside my cubicle. But most of all i am terrified of what goes beyond these four walls. On certain days-if you could have day in a world with no light- i think of how i got the knowledge of the word "light" or even "day"in the first place.

One day i hear something. I am puzzled at it. After all, my ears have only heard the music throughout my life. I turn to where the sound is coming from. I see it-a tiny crack in the four walls around me. Light seeps in through the tiny crevice. I listen carefully, trying to drown out the music in my ears for the first time.

Curiosity is aroused within me. I start to let my mind wander as i to question all this that i am doing. I am, of course, surprised. All my life i just listen to the music and I am contented. Now i cannot rest till i find a reason to why i am doing this. Reason. Hmmm.. A new word.

I lean forward and take a peep. For the first time in my life i look out of my small world. I see a great light engulfing the universe of cubicles. I see some people, like me, already out of their cubicles and exploring their new environment. The music is no longer in their ears. But how...?

I look at them with great envy. They have this expression on their faces-i don't know what it is- happiness? Now how do i know that word? I ask myself. I tell myself i must find the answer. And the answer, i reason, lies in the light-that beautiful, white light.

I started to pound on the wall with my bare fists. But the wall wouldn't let me get out to the great light. Tears start to stream down my cheeks. Hot tears. Not that i could see them, i could feel them. Touch? When did i start to feel? My mind was in a turmoil. I didn't even know the word "touch" as well. It seemed forgotten over time, lying in the shadows of my mind.

I wished i could get out. I really did. The sound i first heard was still there-a voice. It was trying to tell me something, but i didn't understand. The music in my ears was just too loud. The voice seemed like it was repeating something. My ears strained to hear the words.

The voice was melodious, marvelous.

It dawned upon me that the unplugging of my music was necessary to break out of my enclosed world. But that was equivalent to pointing a gun at my head and pulling the trigger. I looked at the other people out there, without the music, happy. Their faces told me they were rejoicing, basking in the great warm light, with a purpose.

And then i think about listening to the repetitive music. Pointless. All these while, while trying to occupy the darkness and loneliness of my small cubicle, i must have resorted to doing this for so long it became my life. Covering up for that emptiness inside of me. How foolish of me.

Then i see a small child walking towards my cubicle. I can see her lips moving to mouth a single word.

Come.

And that is enough for me. All my fear gone, i take off the music in my ears. And at that very moment my cubicle crumbles to dust. My entire being is electrified. I immerge refreshed.

At first i think i am hallucinating, as immediately i see not just the light, but things in the light. This is a safe haven, where i know i will be taken care of forever.

And i know in my heart that this is where i belong.

forgiveness

i am reminded today about forgiveness.

do you have someone whom you find so difficult to forgive?

there is this person who was somehow related to me and whom i really find so difficult to even hear the name mentioned to me. to me she is the most superficial person i have ever come across, together with the nasal english accent (which was put on, not natural) and the flirtatious tones/gestures especially to the male species. i guess we never had "chemistry" - i cannot explain why. and the feelings we have for each other are mutual - she never liked me too.

she was one factor that contributed to the saddest thing that ever happened to me some four years ago. so how can i say that i don't have any negative feelings towards her?

it has been years - i don't get to meet her anymore (thank god) and i am not related to her anymore (praise god). i know - not so kind of me to say all this in this tone - i have prayed that god will indeed forgive me for this kind of feelings towards this person.

life goes on. i do not wish to remember this person - she is erased from my memory data bank. to me, if i ever see her, she will just be another face in the crowd.

i am not angry with her anymore - i don't wish to - pointless.

no matter what happened to me, i have come out of it and now i have found happiness in god's love and by his grace.

but i cannot forgive her for what she did to me and to my "happy family" years ago......

In view of my looooooong absence and Jelbo's mysterious missing-ness(even if there is no such word) i have decided to post this post.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

There. Posted.

lamb of god

an interview with god

[from an email received]

i dreamed i had an interview with god.

"come in," god said. "so, you would like to interview me?"

"if you have the time," i said.

god smiled and said: "my time is eternity and is enough to do everything. what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"

“what surprises you most about mankind?"

god answered:
"that they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.

that they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health.

that by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future.

that they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived."

god's hands took mine and we were silent for awhile and then i asked...

"as a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"

god replied with a smile:

"to learn that they cannot make anyone love them. what they can do is to let themselves be loved.

to learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives.

to learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. all will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis!

to learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.

to learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them.

to learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.

to learn that there are persons who love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.

to learn that money can buy everything but happiness.

to learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different.

to learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them...and likes them anyway.

to learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."

i sat there for awhile enjoying the moment.
i thanked him for his time and for all that he has done for me and my family,
and he replied, "anytime. I am here 24 hours a day. all you have to do is ask for me, and I will answer."

christmas words

i wish to share the following "christmas tree" decorated with words

JOY

GRACE

HOPE - LOVE

FAITH - PEACE

HONOUR-PURITY

JUSTICE - CHARITY

COURAGE - LOYALTY

GOODNESS - PRUDENCE

SYMPATHY - HUMILITY

FORTITUDE - TEMPERANCE

BROTHERHOOD - COOPERATION

AND

GOD

IS

LOVE

have a blessed and meaningful christmas !!

home - at last - from tokyo japan

we are back !

we had a great time together in tokyo. the weather was cold - got a bit unbearable at times. abigail's nose was blocked most of the time and had to take some medication to clear. i had flu like symptoms and popped in some flu tablets to get rid of it. thank god for helping us to stay healthy.

some pictures taken from the trip.

first photo taken with a class at keio boys' senior high school and the other two photos taken at the tokyo's national museum of emerging sc and innovation showing abigail and a robot seal